


Whoops

by espioc



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, Drunk Starscream, I don't know what you'd count that as, Implied Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Maybe Dub-Con, Mistaken Identity, OOC, because Starscream thinks it's Wheeljack but it's not his Wheeljack, halloween party, like super crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:44:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/espioc/pseuds/espioc
Summary: SG!Wheeljack is sent on a mission in the regular universe and is mistaken by a drunk Starscream for his Wheeljack.





	Whoops

**Author's Note:**

> It's terrible. Please enjoy.

Wheeljack didn’t want the mission. He hadn’t volunteered for it. He hadn’t asked for it. But Mr. High and Mighty, Mr. “Optimus Prime” sent him on it anyways. Granted, to not complete the mission threatened death, but that was whatever. Wheeljack had handled worse.

“It’s the perfect opportunity,” Optimus had said. “Everyone will be dressed up. You’ll blend right in.”

Wheeljack had grumbled to himself, but quickly shut his mouth. Next thing he knew he was being shoved through a portal and deposited in the city streets with no back up and no comms. Just a goal and set time to be back for pick up. Wheeljack dusted himself off and followed the party train back to the Spire. These goody two shoed nobodies were celebrating a flesh bag holliday dubbed “Halloween” in which everyone dressed in ridiculous outfits and tried to scare eachother.

Wheeljack’s first mission was to ambush real Wheeljack in his lab and hide him away for the evening. That should be easy enough. From what Wheeljack could tell, his counterpart was not the strongest, nor the brightest. Plus, in this universe, the war was over. So nobody was looking over their shoulder for the next attack.

It didn’t take long for Wheeljack to find Wheeljack’s lab in the Spire and take action. The keypad entry had been disabled, for whatever reason.

“Stupid,” Wheeljack muttered to himself as he brushed over the pad for entry. He found Wheeljack sitting at one of the counters working on some wiring for- something. It didn’t matter. Wheeljack wasn’t paying attention. So Wheeljack hit him over the head as hard as he could with a crowbar. Sure fire way to knock someone out without killing them. In this case it took two blows, which Wheeljack was not unwilling to give.

When the deed was done Wheeljack hauled his counterparts frame into a storage closet and left him there. Wheeljack’s intel told him that this other Wheeljack had an accent of some kind. One that didn’t match his own.

Wheeljack cleared his throat and practiced the stupid voice as he walked down the hall. “Hey- z-th-there. How is it goin- going. Hey der, howz it goink. Hey thea, howz’t going. Hey der howz it going. Ja, ja, that’s the one.”

Wheeljack made his way up to the party. It was wild. Music blaring, lights flashing, a thousand bots all jumping along to one song. Booze were being passed out, drinks were spilling. Wheeljack was told he would have to try and persuade one Starscream to talk to him. He’d been warned that this Starscream wasn’t as much of a pushover as the Starscream back home. No, this Starscream was a fierce and angry warrior. He would rip someone’s throat out sooner than give intel to an interdimensional spy.

Unless the interdimensional spy was Wheeljack, apparently. Yes, the Starscream and Wheeljack of this universe had developed a friendship of sorts. Audio recording suggested Starscream was reluctant to lie to Wheeljack, and would not be unwilling to tell him things, such as info on upcoming and potential projects, and how things stood on the political spectrum.

So getting close to Starscream should be a sinch. Getting close enough to actually talk to him in private may not prove as easy.

First Wheeljack had to find him. That would be the hard part.

Or- maybe not.

“Wheeljack!” a crude high pitched voice called through the crowd.

Wheeljack looked to find a seeker shoving his way through the crowd. There was a drink in his hand, and a wobble in his step. He laughed as he came to rest an arm around Wheeljack’s shoulder and a kiss on his mask.

“You made it. I like your costume, what are you supposed to be?”

Wheeljack blinked up at the red bot. The face was the same, but the frame was not. Slender, aerodynamic, hot red, and beautiful. Wheeljack’s finials flashed.

“Oh- uh, I’m uh,” he looked down at himself. “I’m- eh. A spy,” he said without thinking. “In disguise.”

“You look good in blue,” Starscream called over the music. “I’ve been waiting for you, where have you been?”

Waiting for him? Intel must be out of date, these two were better friends than he thought.

“I va- I was in der- ahem. I was in da lab. Uh-” he scratched his finial. “Doing- stuff.”

Starscream furrowed his brow. “Are you alright? You sound weird.”

“Oh, just.” he shrugged. “Trying to get into character. You know, evil spy, come to steal your secrets. Hehe.”

Starscream laughed. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, I’m okay. Hey, uh Scre- Starscream. Do you think there’s a more private place we can go?”

Starscream paused. Then a wicked grin spread across his face. He put his drink down on the nearest table. “Private, eh?” he said, sliding a hand up Wheeljack’s chest and over his shoulder. “Do we have some halloween plans in store?”

Wheeljack’s finials flashed pink, much to his shame. Apparently these two were more than friends. Much more than friends. And Starscream was drunk.

This was good, actually, Wheeljack could work with this. Not only was he intoxicated, and likely loose lipped, but Wheeljack was a lover. A confidant. A trusted person, more than a friend. Based on the way Starscream was gnawing on his neck, much more than a friend.

“Yes,” Wheeljack said, trying to play along. “I think privacy would be best for what I have planned for you.”

Starscream chuckled against his neck cables.

“Alright big bot, let's go then.”

“Yeah, let's.”

Wheeljack took Starscream hand and tugged him through the crowd. When they made it out into the hallway Wheeljack brought up a map of the spire on his hub. Supposedly Starscream's apartment was there somewhere, likely on one of the upper floors. Before the map was loaded Wheeljack dragged them to the elevator. Starscream was practically hanging off of him.

“We should do it right here,” Starscream purred. “Put me in a corner.”

Wheeljack’s plating tingled under Starscream’s touches. Starscream hummed against his audio receptor and bit a his finial. Fiesty. Nice. Wheeljack could feel himself heating up but kept it at bay. Starscream was drunk, and horny, Wheeljack was not. This mission was not about fragging a seeker, but gathering as much intel as he could from said seeker.

Though, it never said he couldn’t have a little fun along the way. This mission was a bother anyways, may as well get the best out of it. He had five hours to do what he needed to do. This fiasco had taken less than one. Wheeljack could spare another.

When they reached the top floor Starscream took the reins. This made Wheeljack's lack of planning go much more smoothly as Starscream took them right to his quarters.

“You've been surprisingly quiet,” Starscream slurred, palming at the entry panel. “This is what you had in mind isn't it?”

“Of course, my dear,” Wheeljack tried to purr. “What else could I have meant.”

Starscream turned to face Wheeljack as soon as they were inside. He placed his hands on Wheeljack's shoulders and walked backwards as he guided them to the berthroom.

“My dear?” Starscream inquired. He hummed. “are you drunk too, Jackie,” he chuckled.

“Just trying to stay in character,” he could hear his accent slipping through. “I va-want you to beg for the suave master spy.”

“Ooo, begging. Are we gonna get dirty tonight?”

Wheeljack chuckled darkly. “You can bet.”

Starscream grabbed Wheeljack’s hands and finished pulling them into the berthroom. As soon as they crossed the thershold Starscream latched onto Wheeljack. Starscream gnawed at his neck cables. His hands wandering anywhere and everywhere, down his chest, between his legs.

“And here I thought you were going to make me beg for it.”

Wheeljack wrapped his arms around Starscream’s waist. They didn’t stay there for long, as Wheeljack’s hands soon wandered to grope Starscream’s aft. Starscream squeaked at the sudden squeeze.

“There he is,” Starscream said. “My sexy scientist- oh-” he chuckled. “Or, spy.”

Sexy? That was new. Who in their right mind found Wheeljack, of all people, attractive enough call him sexy? And this universes Wheeljack was even less attractive than himself. This seeker was mental. But Wheeljack supposed that was to his benefit. At least at this particular juncture.

Wheeljack growled at he dug is fingers into the seams. He backed Starscream up the berth and shoved him onto it. Wheeljack took a moment to admire the seeker before diving in.

 

* * *

 

 

When Wheeljack came to it was with a wicked headache. For a moment he thought maybe he’d accidentally knocked himself out with some chemicals. Wouldn’t be the first time. His memory told him a doppelganger with a tacky blue paint job whacked him over the head with a crowbar and shoved him in a supply closet. But that was ridiculous, right?

Wheeljack shifted to sit up and found a broom a mop, and a bucket on his head. Wheeljack lurched up, suddenly remembering everything as it had happened. He had been knocked out by a doppleganger with a tacky blue paint job. And ugly orange finials, what was up with that?

Wheeljack shook it off. He had to get- somewhere. Where would a person like that go? What could they want? The war was over. Wheeljack tried the closest door but found it locked.

“Stupid- freakin’-” he kicked the door at the knob and sent it flying open. “Why supply closets got locks anyways, what am I gonna steal? All the brooms?”

Wheeljack rushed down the hallway, right to the elevator. Doppelganger was probably there for something important. The most important thing Wheeljack was close to was Starscream. Starscream was at the halloween party upstairs, where he was probably getting shit faced. Which meant his better judgement was nulled and he’d be talking up a storm.

When Wheeljack arrived the party was still in full swing. Wheeljack rushed through the crowd asking anyone who would listen if they’d seen him, but in blue. The only person sober enough to give a real answer was Blurr.

“Hey, Wheeljack,” he said, furrowing his brow. “You finished up quick. Starscream fall asleep again?”

“You saw me? Where’d I go? Where’d they go?”

Blurr pointed to the door. “Yeah, Starscream had his hands all over you. I thought you guys were headed upstairs. Hey, how’d you change costume so fast?”

“Trade secret, gotta go.”

Wheeljack ran faster than he probably ever had. The elevator didn’t move fast enough, but it was better than going up the stairs. Starscream’s floor was ten above the one where the party was taking place. By the time Wheeljack got up there using the stairs he’d be too exhausted to sock whoever this bozo was in the jaw. And Wheeljack really wanted to sock this bozo on the jaw.

Wheeljack sprang out of the elevator and ran to Starscream’s door. It was still open. Wheeljack stormed through the apartment and burst into the berthroom, filled with Starscream’s ecstasy filled cries. Wheeljack didn’t take a second to think before tackling the poor copy of himself.

While the two Wheeljack’s rolled around on the floor, throwing punches, and swears, and insults Starscream remained on the berth undeterred. Starscream hummed, barely even noticing the fight. He stretched his arms above his head and shuttered his optics. “Wheeljack,” he complained. “Where did you go?”

Real Wheeljack paused before a punch, and looked at Starscream. “Frag, he really is drunk.”

Fake Wheeljack punched him right in the jaw and rolled them over so he had the upper hand.

“Stupid Wheeljack,” he said, abandoning the fake accent. “”Letting you’re guard- oof!” he was cut off by a sock in the jaw.

“I’ll rip yer damn fins off you tacky blue knock off-” Wheeljack growled, rolling them over again.

Starscream perked on the berth. “Hey,” he slurred, pointing to the two fighting bots. “That’s a slur.”

Wheeljack glanced over his shoulder. “Not talkin’ about you, babe. Go to sleep, you’re drunk.”

“You’re drunk.”

Wheeljack fulfilled his promise. He took Fake Wheeljack by the finials and squeezed until they cracked. Fake Wheeljack screamed, shoving Wheeljack in the face, trying to get him off. Real Wheeljack drew his fist back and punched Fake Wheeljack square in the nose.

Starscream wagged a hand at them. “Don’t get blood on the carpet.”

“Go to sleep, Starscream.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Wheeljack punched Fake Wheeljack in the face again, putting a dent in his mask and nearly knocking him out. Fake Wheeljack groaned, his head falling to the side.

Wheeljack un-subspaced some cord and tied up his hands before calling the police. When that was taken care of Wheeljack dusted himself off and attended to Starscream.

“You okay?” Wheeljack asked, kneeling beside the bed.

“Wheeljack, can we finish what we started so I can go to bed?” Starscream slurred. “I still need an overload.”

Wheeljack took the hand outstretched to him and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. “I would, Star, but I’m gonna wait until you’re sober so we can talk.”

Starscream groaned, clearly unsatisfied with this answer. Wheeljack pat his hand.

“I know, I know. Later. I promise. If you still even want to.”

 

* * *

 

 

Starscream sat at the kitchen table nursing his cube. His brow had been furrowed for a solid fifteen minutes as he still tried to process everything that had happened.

“So you’re telling me,” Starscream said. “I fragged your doppelganger. The person I interfaced with last night wasn’t you.”

Wheeljack nodded. “Yeah.”

Starscream shook his head. “Then who was he?”

Wheeljack scratched his finial. “Well, according to him, he is me. Just from another universe.”

Starscream’s face contorted with confusion. His brow remained furrowed.

“So,” he pointed to one side of the table. “He’s you- but-” he pointed to the otherside of the table. “Just- a different version of you.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“And what did he want?”

“Intel, from what he says. About all the stuff goin’ on over here. I dunno, he has a thick accent. He wasn’t very clear about anything.”

Starscream shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His talons tapped against his cube.

“I’m sorry I- thought it was you.”

“Oh no, don’t apologize. How do you feel?”

“Me? Oh, I feel fine. I only remember fragging a less sexy version of you.”

Wheeljack lifted a brow. “Less sexy, eh?”

Starscream shrugged. “Blue isn’t your color.”

Wheeljack rolled his eyes. “Ugh. Tell me about it. And the orange? Who dressed this guy?”

“I know, I was wondering what you were going for. I just thought your costume was bad.”

“But really, you’re okay? Not shaken, not feelin’ weird or anything?”

Starscream shrugged. “Not really. A little embarrassed, honestly, but that’s about it,” Starscream smirked. “Nothing a good frag from the real man in my life can’t fix.’

Wheeljack’s finials flashed pink.

“I can do that.”


End file.
